My Elegy To The Thing That Was Us

I’m thinking of you right now; how are you, what you’re doing, how do you look like. But as I let the thoughts of you flood up my mind, I feel the pain coming again – the twinge of anguish, the pangs of sorrow, the blows of agony. They were too powerful I felt like succumbing. But no, you don’t want me giving up. And so, I don’t and I promise, I won’t.

I could feel the countless memories of you and me overwhelming my thoughts as I write this. I let them take me. I wanted the flow to take me and to once again, reminisce the bittersweet journey we took. I remembered our beginnings, how all this started. And I saw myself smiling. I remembered how this went on, how it grew and how it nearly overpowered all my senses. I smiled even more. I recalled the minutes, hours we spent beside each other. Your face, your eyes, your lips, your cheeks, your hair – every feature, I put into mind. And then, I remembered how reason, rationality and critical thinking got into our hearts and heads and how, finally, it came to an end. An end so bitter, so ill-willed, so desolate. An end we both paved way for. An end that’s destined to be. Then, the tears came again.

This is stupid.

I know I shouldn’t be crying. But I couldn’t help it. I miss you, so much, so hard. Each time I see you, I see our past and how it itched to get back. Each time I glance at our photos, though I couldn’t recognize the smiles as mine anymore, I anticipate for more. And every time I hear your name, the memories just keep coming.

But yes, we’re friends still. This is the best thing left to do, you said. And maybe, this really is it. We couldn’t go on acting so selfish, hurting and breaking the hearts of the ones we truly love. We couldn’t be like overly-cuddled puppies desperate for love to come our way – we should act our age. We couldn’t be the we you dreamt us to be. We just couldn’t be. We're better off with the ones that love us, need us... more.

I actually have so many things to say. But the mere mentioning of them breaks my heart into molecules so impossible to put back together. And besides, you know everything already. I told all to you that night - that night when we decided to end this, that night we killed the feeling and vowed never to revive it again, and most especially, that night I last let my heart out to you. It's done, and yes, I'm down.

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I hope you won’t go forgetting me because I’ll never ever do that to you. Be assured of that. But now, it's time for reality to kick in.

Thanks for everything...

It's done, and yes, I'm down.